


How to Save a Life

by Pigeonsplotinsecrecy



Series: MacGyver May [2]
Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Billy is a jerk, Desi is still a mystery but one who will protect the team, Drunk Riley, Gen, It gets dark, Jack is protective as usual, Loneliness, Matty is her usual get things done self, Suicidal Thoughts, Team as Family, Worried Wilt Bozer (MacGyver TV 2016), how to save a life, riley and mac are great to each other, riley is wonderful, substance use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-01 09:11:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18797341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pigeonsplotinsecrecy/pseuds/Pigeonsplotinsecrecy
Summary: Riley's feeling down and lonely after her breakup with Billy, so she gets drunk and gives Mac a call, knowing that she can always trust him to answer, but she ends up leading the conversation to a place deeper than she intended as a myriad of feelings are brought to the surface.





	How to Save a Life

_“Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life”_

* * *

 

Riley’s evening had been long and lonely. Her heart was feeling especially heavy as, for the first time since her breakup with Billy, she felt truly alone. She knew her friends always had her back, but she didn’t want to drag them into her moping. She’d done enough of that before. Plus, they had bigger problems that made a cheating ex seem so trivial. Nope, she was not going to go crawling to her friends. She was a big girl. She could handle this one alone, like she’d done for most of her life before winding up at the Phoenix Foundation and becoming used to leaning on others.

She’d curled up on her couch with a bottle of wine and an old film, but the movie couldn’t keep her attention. She missed Billy more than she wanted to admit. That son of a bitch didn’t deserve it, but she wanted to call him and let his rich, comforting voice lull her to sleep. She hated that the only noise in her apartment was the tinny sound radiating from the TV. She felt so needy and hated it. Maybe she should get a dog.

But by the time the bottle was half done, Riley was buzzed enough to not care if she was being too needy. She couldn’t stand the quietness of just herself and the film any longer. Riley didn’t need to see anyone, but she needed to hear a human voice at the very least. She didn’t even want to talk about her feelings. All she wanted was a little inane conversation to get her mind off how alone she was in her little apartment. She almost called Billy, but she wasn’t drunk enough for that. Not yet.

So, she dialed the one person she knew would always answer. The phone rang six times before a deep voice replied, sounding short of breath. “Something wrong, Riley?” Mac asked, in a strange monotone. At the sound of his voice, she wanted to cry. It was so familiar and comforting to know Mac was at the other end of the line.

“No, everything’s fine,” she said with the part of her brain that wasn’t silly and sobby from all the booze. “I just thought we could chat awhile.” Hopefully, she didn’t sound too desperate. Even if she did, Mac wouldn’t make a big deal of it.

“Are you okay, Riley?” Riley’s intoxicated brain didn’t pick up on Mac’s distracted tone.

“I told you, everything’s fine.” And she was being honest… more or less.

“That doesn’t mean you’re fine,” Mac said, sounding like he was in another dimension.

“I’m okay, but with Billy out of the picture and everything else that’s happened, it’s been a little lonely, and I know it’s lame, but I just needed to hear a human voice. God, I’m too drunk for this. I didn’t even have that much. I just feel emotionally unhinged and everything’s just flowing out.”

“And you wanted to hear _my_ voice?” Mac asked with disbelief like he couldn’t believe that she’d want to talk to him.

“Yeah, of course. You have experience with being betrayed by someone you thought loved you. Plus, you always answer. It took you six rings today, though. I almost thought you weren’t going to pick up.” She laughed. “I was about to call the police. Although, I guess your phone could just be out of commission because of some experiment or whatever, but we both know you only break Jack’s phone. “ Her voice cracked. “Boy, I wish Jack was here right now.” She took a deep breath, letting out a ragged sigh. “Jack would say some stupid joke, and I’d pretend I didn’t find it funny.”

“I’m sorry,” Mac replied, voice detached. Something wasn’t right, even a sloppy and wine drunk Riley could tell that. “I should have answered.”

“Mac? Are you okay? Your voice sounds a little shaky.”

“I’m sorry, Riles.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“You didn’t call to talk about me,” he deflected. Her heart began beating fast. Something was off with him, but she couldn’t figure out what.

“But we can talk about you if you need to.”

“I’m really tired.”

“Okay, do you want me to let you get to sleep?”

“I’m not sure what I’m doing,” he admitted.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t think I want to be here anymore.”

“What? Where are you? I’d come and get you but I’m a little incapacitated. Do you need me to call you an Uber?”

“I mean I don’t want to be on the earth anymore,” Mac said darkly, his voice was constricted like he was trying not to cry.

Riley laughed, not getting what he meant. “Well, you can’t just go live on the moon. But I guess if anyone could then it would be you.”

“Riles, I think I’m going to die tonight.” Only then did it hit her what he had been saying, and she felt the drunken giddiness leap out of her.

“Where are you?” she asked more firmly, just to keep him talking. She was already starting to track his phone, but it was taking her lethargic fingers a little longer than normal to press the right keys. While keeping Mac on the line, she sent a quick text to the Phoenix Family group chat, not bothering to fix her spelling as clumsy, shaking fingers tried to get the message across, _Max’s not okay send help_. Thankfully, ducking autocorrect could make some sense of her gibberish.

“I’m on the golden gate bridge.”

“You’re in San Francisco? How the hell did you get there?”

“I don’t know. I just kept thinking about it. I was watching this documentary, and I learned that it’s the deadliest bridge in the United States, and I just wanted to see it for myself. To, you know, try to see why so many people came here. It’s so high, but the fall is so fast.” Mac kept talking, “You’d think someone like me would be more creative, but I just thought that nothing else would have as good of a success rate.” Riley was startled by how honest Mac was being. Usually, when he was hurting, he tried to hide it as much as possible. It terrified her the way he was talking about these thoughts so casually—like obsessing over a bridge’s deadliness was normal.

A series of text dinged on Riley’s phone.

 

> **Matty** : _Can you track him?_
> 
> _Mac are you getting these? Let us know if you are okay._
> 
> **Bozer** : _What’s happening, Riley?_         
> 
> **Desi** : _Whose ass do I need to kick?_     
> 
> **Jack** (who was supposed to be keeping a low profile): _That’s my line, Des_

_Do I need to come home?_

Riley typed another response, quick and to the point: _Golden Gate Bridge. Might jump_       

 

> **Bozer** : _Is this a Jake? It’s no funny._ Bozer’s bad typing was usually funny, but in these messages, the franticness gave Riley anxious pangs.
> 
> _You can’t be serious._
> 
> _Mac don’t do anything stupid._
> 
> **Matty** : _I’ll make some calls to the local PD. Keep him on the phone._
> 
> _Mac, hold on. We’re coming to get you._
> 
> **Jack** : _I’m getting on the next plane_

“Mac are you still with me?”     

 

> **Jack** : _keep me updated_
> 
> _If you can’t reach me I’m in the air_
> 
> _Mac, I need you, buddy. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do._
> 
> **Desi** : _Did someone tell Oversight?_
> 
> **Bozer** : _Should we tell Oversight?_
> 
> **Matty** : _He needs to know. I’ll call him._

 “I have to go,” Mac replied. “People are starting to get suspicious. They have patrol officers here to try to stop people from jumping, and if I loiter much longer, they’re going to know what I’m up to. I really have to go, Riley.”

“Don’t go.”

“I’m sorry I put this on you. I shouldn’t have. I’m shitty and selfish, but I can’t do this anymore, Riles” Mac sounded like he was moments from full on sobbing, Mac who infamously didn’t cry. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” In his panic, Mac wasn’t acting like himself

“Mac, wait.”

“There’s no time. I need to make a decision. I can’t think about this any longer. I want my brain to stop working so hard.” A pause, and Riley felt her heart drop, thinking he’d hung up. “The water is so pretty. Nothing’s been this pretty for a long time.”

“Mac, you can’t go. I need you.”

“I only endanger the people I’m supposed to keep safe. Trouble follows me and drags in everyone I love. No one is safe when I’m around. I need to stop being a problem.”

Tears filled Riley’s eyes. She tried to keep her voice calm. “Please, Mac. That’s not true. You’re not a problem. You solve problems. Just hold on, okay? We’ll help you through this. You don’t have to handle this alone anymore.”

There was a long silence, and Riley could hear Mac pacing. Then, “I’m so sorry. Send everyone my love. Tell them I’m sorry.” The phone went dead silent. Mac had hung up.

A ping.

 

> **Mac** : _I love you all._
> 
> _I’m sorry._

Riley held her breath as she tried to redial Mac, and he kept rejecting her calls. She couldn’t be sure if he was dead or alive. The seconds passed slowly, and she wished she was less drunk so her brain wasn’t quite so fuzzy, but she supposed she wouldn’t be any more useful even with clarity. She was hours away from Mac and completely helpless. She was good with computers, making machines bend to her will. If only she could do the same to Mac’s brain. If only she could hack his mind and write all the negative thoughts out of its code. If only she could rewire him to want to live. But she could do nothing. All she could do was wait.

 

> **Bozer** : _Mac, we love you. Don’t do this._
> 
> **Matty** : _Blondie, I need you to hold on._
> 
> **Jack** : _Cairo didn’t destroy us, Hoss, and this won’t either._

Riley felt an intense terror each time her phone dinged. She worried that the next message would be to confirm that Mac was dead. She hadn’t even known Mac was struggling. He’d had a vacant look in his eyes lately, but she had thought he was just grieving. She never would have guessed he was suicidal. How could she not have known? Guilt swirled in her stomach with he alcohol and she wondered if this was the guilt Mac dealt with every day. If it was, she could understand why he was fed up. This feeling was debilitating.

The anxious knots made her feel like a bomb waiting to explode. Where was Mac now that she needed to be disarmed? He was always the one she turned to when she felt like she was going to burst, and he always knew exactly what to say. She wished she could have been there for him in the same way. She wished she would have seen the signs. She wished she hadn’t been so caught up in her insignificant problems.

Her phone pinged again and Riley’s heart skipped a beat, nausea building in her gut. She had a terrible feeling about this. This was it. This was going to be the news she had been dreading. She could feel it. She took in a deep breath, letting it fill her lungs but not releasing it.

 

> **Matty** : _He’s safe. They got to him in time. I’ve arranged for him to be brought to the Phoenix Foundation._

Riley let out her breath, her hands still quivering in the darkness of her apartment. Mac was safe, and she could finally breathe again. The fear lingered as Riley tried to get her heart back to its normal pace. This was the closest call they’d ever had.

But it was okay. Mac was coming home, back to the Phoenix family. There was still a lot they’d have to deal with, but they’d gotten out of it alive. Mac wasn’t okay, not yet. He’d been pulled off the ledge, but those feelings he had wouldn’t vanish quite so easily. But, for now, he was safe, and Riley would keep him safe from here on out because there were a lot of people who needed him. She needed him. The team needed him. The world needed him. Keeping Mac alive was a public service, one Riley was determined to provide.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this little story is just my second MacGyver May entry (I'm already storming up an idea I love... but that's kind of different... for the next prompt). I'm also midway through the new chapter of my WIP for those interested. Anyways, thanks for reading as always. I really appreciate it! I need to stop putting Mac through so much, but I know we all can't help ourselves. He's just the perfect victim for angst. Enjoy your day!


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